randomized

okay, after i re-read all my blog post, i feel like i'm such a random person. i wrote whatever i want and everything i've been thinking about. it's kinda' weird to see the fact that i'm a random person (admitting it doesn't make me feel any better, actually) oh god, see?? random again! errr!

but knowing and admitting i am a random person, i feel guilty about it. why? because i'm thinking how about my future if I'm still a random person?
i feel terrible now because i'm not a really ambitious person. at first, i thought ambitious is a bad (oh no, annoying) behavior (is ambitious a behavior or is just something you think about?)
but now, i see that ambition is really gonna help to see your future. is something you are strive to get. a goal. something you want to get so bloody bad.
actually i'm kinda like "just go with the flow" person. i don't want to rush things. but now it is clear to me, some ambitious person are more successful than me. and i want to be like them, so much.they can get whatever they want.
why can't i?

am i too late to realize it? i hope not, because i feel really want to change. make some goals and what-to-do list. and again, i hope it works because if it's not, i'd be useless person (for myself)
oh, and i'm doing this not for other people around me,it's for myself.
god, please help me to do this, amin :')

FYI, after i re-read this post (before i want to publish it) i'm thinking that this post is also random! oh my, i guess my brain start to work randomly so it makes me thinking everything is random. errrrr!
yeah i have to admit, my blog is totally random. sometimes i wrote in English and sometimes i wrote in Indonesian. sometimes about stupid things and sometimes about something more complicated like love and life. and i've been thinking to delete all my older post and start something new (not some random posts again) but i don't want to delete those old posts (feeling gulity)

any suggestions?