2019 - A Recap

 

Let's get to the point shall we?

2019 has been a whirlwind for me, this year I have been on my highest and lowest point in my life for the first time since forever.

1. Getting married! we finally putting the rings on!
2. Travel to Japan for the first time, as mentioned before, I've always wanted to visit Japan since forever and we finally did (we are planning to go back in 2020)
3. Our Youtube channel ReelMandrill finally taking off. Go pay a visit to our channel 😀
4. Meeting a lot of influencers because of Youtube
5. Manage a shit ton of corporate events at work
6. For the first time, I wanted to resigned so-freaking-badly but I couldn't due to financial stability
7. Getting my dream car (VW Golf)
8. Getting pregnant
9. Getting miscarriage

10. Feeling depressed because of work pressure, but again, back to point no.6

Okay, let's elaborate one-by-one shall we?

1. Getting Married

On January 19th 2019, me and my 8 years bf are getting married. It was truly one of the happiest moment of my life, all the hard work we put into the preparation has finally come true. If you are currently planning a wedding, my only tip would be, really trust God, money will come eventually. Sounds cliche, but I've been told the same and never believed in it until it happened to us!

2. Travel to Japan

If you read my previous post about Eurotrip, I've always been wanting to visit Japan. My childhood and I believe a lot of 90's kids in Indonesia also heavily influenced by Japanese culture (until K-pop came along 😜). I've hit most of touristy spots; Osaka, Universal Studios, Tokyo, Kyoto. And we then realized, 7 days trip was not enough, so we bought our ticket to come back in May 2020.

3. ReelMandrill Youtube Channel

My husband and I initially created this channel simply for fun, until one day we started to take things seriously. He partnered with 2 other friends and collaborate with many influencers and celebrities to contribute in our channel. There has been a lot of struggle, arguments and disappointment along the way, yet here we are, still going strong. We even hired a freelance video editor to help us. I am forever grateful to have these people around me including my Husband passion in making this come alive.

4. Meeting Influencers for Youtube

This is something new and never in a million years I thought this would happened to me. We met a lot of people from various background through Youtube collaboration, and this has also helped me to be more social with people. I'm learning to understand other people's perspective, that celebrities were also humans and they are pretty much like us (except they are famous 😉)

5. Manage Corporate Events

It has been my expertise to do event management, and I would pat my own back for finishing almost 20 events (mostly by myself) this year. It was definitely not an easy job, and to be completely honest, with a new "re-structure" at my office, things get tougher, and I lost my passion along the way. No, I don't lost my interest in Marketing, but some people above me made me depressed and feel I am incapable of my own job. I don't have anyone to talk or discuss to anymore, therefore, resulted in my next point.

6. I Wanted to Resign

Due to what happened on point 5, I am contemplating to really leaving this company, just to find my own self and my passion again.

7. Getting VW Golf

So I've been dreaming to own VW Golf since I was in Junior High. I was playing Need for Speed game in Play Station, and dreamed about owning one ever since. TRUE STORY! Until this year, we saved enough money to finally buy one. It was magical, and I am forever grateful for not giving up on my dream.

8. Getting Pregnant

On November 2019, i was pregnant, without knowing. There are no particular signs, I only felt my body is getting wider, and of course, my period is late. Until it was late for 2 weeks and I'm starting to question myself. So I did take a test and it came out a little blurry. It says positive but it was a faint line. To be completely honest I had a mixed feeling about it, not entirely happy nor disappointed. Since I was really burned out at the office, I am not entirely sure I am ready for a baby.

9. Getting Miscarriage

We are planning to announce it to our families by the next weekend, however I noticed that I had dots of blood "under there" on Monday. I immediately google this to find what happened and turns out there were a lot of articles saying that this is normal, so I did not take a serious thoughts into it and move on with the day. Then on Tuesday, the marks did not disappear so I called a nearby clinic to book for an OBGYN appointment just to make sure. Thursday was the day I will never forget. We went to the clinic at 11am, went in and get ultrasound. That is the day that I met my little baby, a small circle, floating as big as a kidney bean. The doctor told us that I was 4 weeks pregnant, however it was a risky one, because apparently the embryo position is unusual therefore resulted in my hemorrhage for the past 2 days. The doctor then prescribed some medication, and told me to take a bed rest for the rest of the day. Since I am soooo stupid, I did not take it very seriously, I still went to get lunch after my appointment, with very little walking, of course, and still doing work at home until afternoon. I then take a nap around 4 pm after taking the medication, and waiting for my husband to come home. Then at 7 pm I felt pain around my stomach area, and start bleeding again, but now it was a lot. It felt like the menstrual cramps but 5x more painful. I couldn't handle it, the blood keeps coming out. My only thought was I need to stay conscious, while asking my husband to call a doctor for advise. I finished my bleeding around 9pm. I went outside the bathroom and fell on the ground, I don't have any energy left after withstanding the pain. We then went to the hospital, just to make sure, but all of the OBGYN was not available that night so they only gave me some medication to help with my bleeding and pain. The next day we went to the hospital again to check with ultrasound and the result was...we lost the baby.

10. Getting Depressed

I couldn't elaborate anymore because this has affected my mental health, I really need another job badly. The company management sucks, to simply say. 

So yeah, that's a roller coaster ride of my 2019. How's yours?

 Pic source: freepik

Fly to Seoul D1

So, on Feb 4-8 i had a business trip to SEOUL! this is definitely my biggest lifetime wish. I've been longing to visit south korea because well, ehm, my obsession with k-pop and stuff :p but i really interested with the country as well, whether its culture, food, technology and their fashion. This is definitely a true blessing to start 2013. Alhamdulilah, i still can't believe my 2 biggest lifetime wish had been achived which are visiting South Korea and watching BIGBANG concert :)

To start off, i was aware that it's still winter in South Korea, but i was taking it too easy. i just prepared a coat, 2 pair of socks, 2 shawls, and a pair of winter legging for my winter gear, but boy i'm wrong! I was landed on a snowy runway! according to my last research, its not going to be snowing anytime soon when i get there, but that was definitely wrong and yes it's freezing when i get off the plane. By the way, Incheon airport is definitely DAEBAK! so cool with all their facilities and not to mention, how HUGE it is. By the way, back to the topic. I just wore a tanktop, shirt and a pair of jegging, i think it's about -2 degrees on that day. Since it's my first time having a trip on winter, i was shocked. I couldn't handle the wind.

First stop, of course hotel. We stayed at Ibis Myeong-Dong which happens to be in the middle of shopping area (read: Lotte Department Store, tons of skin care shops, and international clothing brand like Zara, H&M and Forever 21). Then off for lunch, we went to a chicken restaurant around our hotel, and boom! look where i went to..

YES! BIGBANG visited this restaurant before. By the way, I was eating samgyetang (a whole chicken soup filled with rice and cooked with herbs). With warm tummies, we start our schedule by visiting Samsung SDS followed by visiting Yonsei University which many says that this is the best private college in South Korea, and indeed! it's not only HUGE (this means literally huge) but also full of technology.

Look closely! those are the facilities on their library..awesome! by the way, i ended my first day by wandering around Myeong-Dong area (shopping area) with freezing hand. 

I ended up buying a pair of wool gloves (which in this case doesn't make any difference at all) and sweater from SPAO.

We had our dinner at this specialty restaurant (still in Myeong-Dong) that serves traditional korean food and we tried bibimbab (rice with mixed vegetables) and Japchae (stir-fried vermicelli noodle mixed with vegetables and mushroom). I guess korea loves mushroom and bean sprout because they're everywhere on the dish and banchan.

 In my experience on korean food, this particular dish is my only NO! i really can't eat something with that raw gochujang (hot pepper paste) tangy smell. Other than bibimbab, i can eat all korean food that cooked with gochujang, including kimchi.

I think those are the recaps from my first day. See you on other D2, D3, and D4 diary post :)

Fly to Seoul

Weekend!

Who doesn't love weekend?

I spent my weekend attending my best friend's wedding, going karaoke afterwards and dinner with family. It is great to be surrounded by our best friends, family and loved ones :) 

Still can't believe we're getting old, friends are getting married, and it's going to be 2013 soon! 

I Just Got Robbed

This unfortunate event happened yesterday. I just made this post to tell that you have to be really really aware and  be really careful with your belongings.

So that day I was intended to meet my friend, my laptop won't shut down and he said that I should bring it to  my bf's home and he'll fix it there. I agreed. Suddenly, when I'm finished checking some files, I tried to turn it off again, and like a magic, it worked! Then I tell my friend not to come to my bf's home since the problem solved.

After that, my bf ask me if I'm okay to go to the doctor first before driving me home. I agreed since it wouldn't take much time. There, my bf put my laptop in the back seat, behind the driver's seat. I didn't bring anything when I went to the clinic. I even left my purse at the car (DON'T DO THIS! NEVER LEAVE YOUR PURSE AT CAR!) then when I'm waiting, i saw some men strolling around at the parking lot. near my bf's car. I don't take any attention there. I just saw it and that's all, i don't even feel suspicious. I just think those men are going to see the doctor too, but they AREN'T eventually.
After my bf finished, we went back to the car, we didn't see anything wrong until my bf felt something bothering him. Since it's like 7 pm, we can't see anything clear, we thought that there was a car sun-shade behind his head but as he reached it he was surprised because that is shards of window glass behind him. and yes, SOMEONE IS DESTROYING THE WINDOW! we got panicked. there's a car behind and we asked the driver if he saw someone there near the car but he say he didn't.

Awful :(

We din't think someone is taking something from the car. My purse is there, I didn't even remember my laptop at that time because I see my bf's phone is still there at the back seat covered with shattered glass. If that phone was not stolen, what else?
So we rushed back to my bf's home to talk to his dad. As we went home I remembered my LAPTOP! then I cried, since it haven't been used for a year!
So the moral of the story is, BE CAREFUL, ALWAYS BRING YOUR BELONGINGS ANYWHERE ON YOUR REACH,YOU CAN BE ROBBED AT LITERALLY, ANYWHERE!


By the way, if you're wondering, I'm using my mom's super old laptop (HP compaq nx9040) until i can find a new one. Maybe I need to use netbook instead my 14" notebook so it can fit on my bag. GAH! I miss my Sims, I miss all my magazine designs, I miss all my projects. This is so frustating, wondering where my laptop now, maybe someone already sell it on Kaskus or Tokobagus or maybe worse, at Glodok :(

Fun, Updates, Random

hey all. I'm back to this old, dusty, blog. sorry for neglecting this blog since my last post. I am really super messed up with these so-called-college-stuff. my final exams, assignments, my upcoming internship semester, my thesis title and all that grown up stuff.

at this point of my college year, i feel kinda old. finally I am now in my 7Th semester, soon encountering  graduation. finally i will working, but i don't want to lose those fun-times at college either. tough choice. i don't want to waste any more years at my college either, so it's been a hard time to face this forced grow-up-phase.

any advice? because i feel lost. i don't know if i want to move forward or stuck at this point.

I'm back to Yogyakarta for few days to attend a gala dinner. here are the recaps, click to enlarge.

Gorgeous view huh? imagine this at evening.

So this drink that i ordered called iced apple tea. i thought it's just an apple flavoured tea but boy, i'm wrong. what i got is LITERALLY tea with an apple. a whole apple. i don't know what to say..

Do visit this Ramayana ballet performance at Prambanan temple. info here. 

'Shinta' is really beautiful.

I'm so sorry for not continuing my last post, but i will do on the next post. sorry :)

On The Edge

There are a lot of things happened in my life recently, unfortunately it is bad things that happens. i really regret on those "bad things" that happens and i admit my fault. but ever since i tried to move on from that, i feel like it's holding me back again and again, and at this point i feel like i can't seem to reach what i strive for. i feel like i've been punished by God.

maybe i really should take a step back from this "thing" for a while and sees how my life have been doing, not that i don't want to move on but it is better to correct the wrongdoings before you move on right?

maybe i should be grateful for what i have right now, and don't be too greedy. take it one at a time and see how it goes

source

twenty

as much as i love that people remember my birthday, it irritates me to know i'm getting older and being 20 annoyed me, somehow. maybe i put too much pressure to myself. but being 20 for me means i should start to looking for a job (though i'm still in college). i want to get more experience before i graduate.

what do you think about being 20? and what would you do/what you have done when you're 20?

dramas

..romantic scenes always makes me feel butterflies in my stomach..

thanks to tons of korean drama dvds i bought few days ago, playful kiss is my current favorite drama. although it has cheesy story, it successfully makes me feel happy.

~going to buy more K-dramas~

pict source: weheartit

tuesday

class, statistic, management,KFC,happy!

that summer girl

IKEA scenes

Expectation and Reality scenes

just so you know, i just watch 500 days of summer movie a few hours ago. i know, i'm super late. well, the movie was inspirational yet it makes me wondering..

why do Summer can do everything that she wants? i mean like, kissing someone who she barely knew. how could it be that easy? and when she was asked by Tom why she did that, she answered "because i want to.."
i wish i can say the same thing. she can control her feelings, she can control how her relationship is going to be, she can do anything she wants to. well then again, my question for now: is it because Summer is great controller or Tom is really dumb?

in short, i love the movie. i love those cute scenes at IKEA, i love how Tom thinks about faith and true love :D

ps: i love Summer's hairstyle and wardrobe. i mean, all her dresses.. CUTE!

pict source
1 I 2 I 3

childhood times

miss these things, things that are really famous during my childhood times..

organizer

a mini organizer that has various kinds of cute picture on the paper. i used to trade the paper inside with my friends while also write our bio data on our friend's organizer.

springy butterfly hair clip

yess! it's the "IT" accessory at that time. i'm sorry i can't get the picture, even from Google. the one that i have was missing, so i can't take the picture of it.

Petualangan Sherina

a musical movie, ah, she's my idol at that time and yes, everything on the movie makes a new trend among children. the bandages, chocolate chips in a lunch box, and i even remember some words that Sherina says on the movie.

Milo Car from school-to-school

when i was at elementary,there was a car (i call it milo car) that came to my school about once in 3 months. Every time the car come, we always queue to get a cup of milo milk, like a tester.
FYI, until today i still drink milo milk but it never taste like when i got it at school. and i don't know why -_-

barbie doll

if you're a girl, i'm sure it is the "IT" toy when you was a kid. I do love playing this cute toy. i have like 10 at that time, i even have the barbie house. the one that very special was a barbie that my uncle sent from Japan, the package include a dressing table full of barbie's make up kit and fake hair, and hair color.

pict source:
http://www.asia.ru/
http://milesfilms.net/
http://vector4u.com/
http://www.nikao.ws/

perfect saturday evening

cycling in the evening around the house

then,

boyfriend + comfort couch + great-relationship-talk : perfect!




i would love to have this kind of evening every Saturday

pict source: ffffound

lifetime happiness

lately, i've been playing this game called The Sims 3. this game is a simulation of our (human) life. you can do so much things in it, moreover, you can manage yourselves to be someone you really wanted to be.

what interesting for me in this game, there is a lifetime happinness that you should achive in order to make your sim's happy. if there's a wish that you wanted to make it come true, you do the task. but if you don't want to, just simply delete it from your sim's wish list. every sim's wish list is different, depend on their trait,which you choose when the first time you creating the sim.

well the truth is, in our real life, we will be happy if we can get or achive things we wanted to. but then, if we done it, we will ask for more. is it greedy or is it normal?


well..this is my current lifetime happiness. i'm dying to get this one.a bowler hat. oh, pleaseee tell me where i can find it!

tell me your lifetime happiness :)

silly, you may say

some random things i do;

1. counting how many hours i get for sleep. i did it like every day, especially when i slept at 2 or 3 am.
2. set my alarm but when it's ringing, i wake up and turn it off and back to sleep, then when i wake up (again) and knowing that i'm late, i scream and run to take a bath.
3. always wear clothes that match my shoes, bag, or accessories.
4. eat my dinner at 4 pm then, i eat something again at 10 pm.
5. always make other people around me get shock because they hear me scream (not like 'aaaaaaaaah~' scream, but more like 'HA?' but very loud HA?)

what's yours?

i'm in my holiday week, but instead of going on a trip, i ended up watching gossip girl season 4 in my bedroom all day. it sucks.

life, as we know it

kadang gue suka mikir, banyak banget hal hal yang bikin gue ngerasa hidup gue tinggal sebentar lagi. masa depan gue abstrak. bukan artinya gue ngga pernah mikirin atau planning masa depan gue, tapi gara gara hal hal seputar "kiamat-sebentar-lagi" gue jadi ngerasa ngga punya pilihan. kadang gue suka bingung, kenapa gue harus di lahirin saat saat mau kiamat. kenapa gue ngga di lahirin pas tahun 80'an gitu? jadi gue bisa ngerasain hidup lebih lama lagi, ngerasain bisa ngejar karir, sukses, nikah, punya anak dan seterusnya. coba sekarang? gue bahkan pernah ngebayangin kiamat terjadi pas gue lagi nikah. who knows, right?

bukannya gue nyesel atau ngga bersyukur, gue juga jadi bingung mau nyalahin (si)apa? gue pengen marahin yang bikin gosip 2012 bakalan kiamat, gue pengen marahin orang yang bilang "jaman sekarang semuanya udah terbalik, sebentar lagi kiamat", gue pengen marahin bokap nyokap gue karena gue di lahirin mendekati kiamat. tapi apa itu semua salah mereka? gue juga ngga yakin.

ada lagi yang bikin gue penasaran. afterlife
menurut agama yang gue anut, setelah kita (manusia) meninggal, kita akan dikelompokkan ke dalam 2 tempat. surga dan neraka. yang baik selama masa hidupnya bakalan nikmatin surga yang serba "wow" sedangkan yang ngga berkelakuan baik selama masa hidupnya bakalan di siksa di neraka sebagai "hukuman" atas perbuatannya di dunia.
yang jadi pertanyaan, apakah kita bakal punya kehidupan "lain" di dunia yang berbeda tersebut?apakah kita akan menjalanin hidup seperti di dunia (makan, tidur, komunikasi, bekerja)?
kalo di kepercayaan lain ada istilah reinkarnasi. jadi dia yang udah meninggal akan hidup lagi, bisa jadi manusia lagi atau jadi binatang. tergantung kelakuannya di masa hidupnya dulu.
nah, kalo gitu apakah di agama gue, Islam juga akan terjadi hal yang sama? atau "kehidupan" akan berhenti sampai di surga-neraka itu?

terus apa itu yang disebut afterlife kalo begitu?

gue sendiri, pengen bisa reinkarnasi. gue pengen hidup kembali buat ngebenerin kesalahan kesalahan yang gue lakuin di masa lalu (even with different physical appearance).i really do.


fyi, i've added a chat box on the left bar. feel free to say hi to me ;)

feels like riding a roller coaster

there are too many things i want to say and ask. but every time i want to write it down, i always get stuck. i can't find the right words to describe this roller coaster feeling.

And even now, I still don’t know how I felt for you. I can’t tell in words to describe my feelings for you (it’s not like how-I-really-in-love-with-you, but it’s more like I-don’t-know-if-I-like-you-or-not)

"i am in misery, there ain't nobody who can comfort me"

maroon 5 - misery

randomized

okay, after i re-read all my blog post, i feel like i'm such a random person. i wrote whatever i want and everything i've been thinking about. it's kinda' weird to see the fact that i'm a random person (admitting it doesn't make me feel any better, actually) oh god, see?? random again! errr!

but knowing and admitting i am a random person, i feel guilty about it. why? because i'm thinking how about my future if I'm still a random person?
i feel terrible now because i'm not a really ambitious person. at first, i thought ambitious is a bad (oh no, annoying) behavior (is ambitious a behavior or is just something you think about?)
but now, i see that ambition is really gonna help to see your future. is something you are strive to get. a goal. something you want to get so bloody bad.
actually i'm kinda like "just go with the flow" person. i don't want to rush things. but now it is clear to me, some ambitious person are more successful than me. and i want to be like them, so much.they can get whatever they want.
why can't i?

am i too late to realize it? i hope not, because i feel really want to change. make some goals and what-to-do list. and again, i hope it works because if it's not, i'd be useless person (for myself)
oh, and i'm doing this not for other people around me,it's for myself.
god, please help me to do this, amin :')

FYI, after i re-read this post (before i want to publish it) i'm thinking that this post is also random! oh my, i guess my brain start to work randomly so it makes me thinking everything is random. errrrr!
yeah i have to admit, my blog is totally random. sometimes i wrote in English and sometimes i wrote in Indonesian. sometimes about stupid things and sometimes about something more complicated like love and life. and i've been thinking to delete all my older post and start something new (not some random posts again) but i don't want to delete those old posts (feeling gulity)

any suggestions?

teori kaca spion

I re-post this from typaw's. and i really looovvvveee it :)
a verry good theory, indeed..

"Kenangan udah berlalu, jangan terlalu fokus sama kenangan, fokuslah sama apa yang ada sekarang (kaca depan atau jalan yang didepan). Kenangan boleh dilihat sekali-kali, asal jangan terlalu sering karena kenangan bisa merusak apa yang ada didepan. Jadikan kenangan sebuah panutan supaya kita ngga mengulangi kesalahan yang sama."

masa lalu/ kenangan itu kayak kaca spion.

favourites :)

okay, sesuai dengan yang gue janjikan pada postingan sebelumnya, gue mau ngasih beberapa kata-kata yang gue sangat suka dan ngebuat gue mikir dari novel "curhat setan" karya fahd djibran.

here goes..

pergi adalah melanjutkan kehidupan lain, yang pelan- pelan meniadakan kehadiranku di sini, di sampingmu. tetapi, aku tidak akan sepenuhnya pergi, hanya tidak lagi menjadi bagian dari peristiwa- peristiwa yang kau alami dalam hidup milikmu.

"seperti gerimis, aku jatuh cinta perlahan lahan.

seperti badai, aku ingin mencintaimu sampai mati"

aku ingin mencintaimu seperti lagu wajib di sekolah dasar dulu/ lagu yang tak meminta kemampuan apa-apa, sederhana/ lagu yang hanya meminta dirinya dinyanyikan, itu saja.

dan pernyataan yang ini membuat gue mikir. katanya gaarder dalam buku sophie's world;

" orang dewasa telah banyak kehilangan daya kritis dan daya imajinasi mereka. mereka menentukan banyak hal dengan ukuran-ukuran, penilaian-penilaian, dan batasan-batasan. maka, bagi orang dewasa, dunia menjadi kaku. orang dewasa adalah mereka yang menganggap kehidupan seperti "apa adanya" dan harus dijalani begitu saja. aku suka anak kecil, karena mereka selalu punya imajinasi dan kritis, selalu ingin tahu"

iya juga ya kalo di pikir- pikir? mana ada orang dewasa kayak gitu? jadi gue nangkepnya bahwa sebenernya yang paling kritis tuh anak- anak (tapi ngga nutup kemungkinan juga kalo orang dewasa itu kritis). kebanyakan orang yang semakin dewasa, semakin tau batasan. benar-salah, iya-tidak, kaya-miskin, dst. hal- hal itulah yang gue rasa bikin kekritisan orang dewasa berkurang. mereka terlalu sibuk untuk mikir gimana caranya supaya bisa bertahan hidup daripada mikirin kenapa dia hidup? interesting topic right? sepele sih, tapi ga tau kenapa gue paling seneng ngebahas pernyataan- pernyataan yang butuh di pertanyakan lebih jauh atau di diskusiin lebih jauh kayak pernyataannya gaarder itu :)